A Faithful Re-Creation of Events that Happened

(I apologize ahead of time, I've been replaying the Mass Effect series)

Like any real dork, I'm pretty pumped about the fact that, just yesterday, SpaceX launched and landed their Dragon capsule after a couple orbits of the Earth, making them the first private company to ever accomplish such a feat. I'm pretty sure privatization is the way to go in the field of space exploration, and it's only a matter of time before we're beyond the Termination Shock (honestly, this is probably one of the few times in my life I'll get to type Termination Shock with any sort of relevance to anything, extra pleased about that), fighting demons materializing out of unearthed (unmarsed?) teleporters, and fighting queen aliens in sweet power loaders.

Hopefully next Wednesday

In celebration, I'm reenacting what I can only imagine as being some sort of last minute briefing with the pilot of the SpaceX Dragon, a pilot I will for confidentiality purposes call Commander Shepard (neverminding that the flight was in fact unmanned).

Accuracy, post-jump.

They nerfed it, now it sucks

Special thanks to tvtropes.org for the passive inspiration for the title of this post and to my buddy Rob for the topic suggestion.

Something funny happened on the way to our adult years, and really all along the way to the modern day as a whole. We've all become very, very bad at gaming (relatively) since we were but wee lads and lasses. I can remember playing games like Metroid, The Legend of Zelda, and (Mike Tyson's) Punch-Out!! at the tender age of 5 and playing them WELL. Now...I don't know about you, but I've seen kids these days (oh my god I just said kids these days non-ironically) playing games and, comparatively, they're absolutely horrible at it. You know what I'm talking about, right? Tell me you haven't watched a child playing a video game recently and witnessed them repeatedly screwing something up so simple in your mind that you get so irrationally angry you have to REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE ROOM BEFORE THEY RUIN YOUR SUPER MARIO GALAXY SAVE FILE AND YOU'RE FORCED TO THROW THEM THROUGH A WALL.

That's not pressure, kid, that's drywall.

Then you sit there and think about how you used to blow through Ninja Gaiden and Mega Man or how you got so good you didn't even need the Konami Code for ANYTHING anymore. It was like you were some kind of 8-year old who had gained the ability to manipulate assembly with their minds, karate chop arrows out of the air, catch bullets with your teeth, and emit a strange golden glow from your skin. It's not every day I get to set up an image from Berry Gordy's The Last Dragon so you gotta go with me on this one.

I up-up-down-down Leroy.

More, post-jump.